Book Review, Never Split The Difference, Chris Voss

 

Book Review

Karley, Messner

“Never Split The Difference” By Chris Voss

Leadership Ethics

Professor Shelton

04 19, 2024

I pledge to support the honor system of Old Dominion University. I will refrain from any form of academic dishonesty or deception, such as cheating or plagiarism. I am aware that as a member of the academic community, it is my responsibility to turn in all suspected violations of the Honor Code.

Introduction

“Never Split The Difference” by Chris Voss is a captivating book that dives in to the world of negotiation through the lens of a former FBI hostage negotiator. Voss’s expertise shines through as he masterfully translates the high-stakes world of hostage negotiation into practical strategies that can be applied to everyday situations. One of the most compelling aspects of the book is how Voss emphasizes the importance of empathy in negotiation. He argues that truly understanding the other party’s perspective is key to reaching mutually beneficial agreements. Through real-life anecdotes and examples. Voss demonstrates how empathy can be a powerful tool in diffusing tense situations and building rapport. 

In one instance in chapter one where he leverages with empathy, Voss is in a hypothetical situation where he is negotiating with the director of the Harvard Negotiation Research Project, Robert Mnookin.  holding his son hostage. It reads, ‘“So you’re okay with me killing your son, Mr Voss?” “I’m sorry, Robert, how do I know he’s even alive?” I said, using an apology and his first name, seeding more warmth into the interaction in order to complicate his gambit to bulldoze me. “I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, much less one million dollars, if I don’t even know hes’s alive?”’ In this, he is using a technique the FBI uses called open-ended questions and calibrated questions, which are queries that the other side can respond to but that have no fixed answers. It will buy you time and gives your counterpart the illusion of control, as if they are the one wit all the answers and power, it forces them into the position to solve Voss’s problems rater than continue making demands and threats. So although the questions may seem elementary level or unsophisticated foolishness to someone like Robert Mnookin; he was unable to win his argument against Voss, as well as hundreds of other Harvard negotiation students, he was undefeated in these simple methods. This portion of the book sets the  preface that even average joes or business professionals can apply his techniques that were developed through decades of trial and error research in the FBI.

Another standout feature of “Never Split the Difference” is Voss’s emphasis on the power of active listening. By honing our listening skills and asking the right questions, Voss asserts that we can uncover valuable information and gain insight into the other party’s motivations. This approach not only helps in reaching better outcomes but also fosters trust and collaboration. In chapter two, ‘Be A Mirror’, Chris Voss emphasizes the importance of active listening in negotiation. It suggests that mirroring the other person’s words and emotions back to them can help establish a connection, demonstrate understanding, and encourage the other party to share more information. Active listening, including techniques like mirroring, can enhance communication and improve the negotiation outcome. 

Furthermore, Voss introduces the concept of tactical empathy, which involves acknowledging and validating the other party’s emotions while still pursuing our goals. This nuanced approach to negotiation sets “Never Split The Difference” apart from other books on the subject, offering readers a fresh perspective on how to navigate complex interpersonal dynamics. In chapter three, ‘Don't Feel Their Pain, Label It’, it starts with the basics, separating the people from the problem, poker faces, don’t get emotional, and most importantly, how to separate people fromm the problem when their emotions are the problem. People are animalistic and irrational emotional thinkers in nature, so this is no easy task. He uses a real-life example where empathy and skilled negotiation tactics led to a successful outcome during a high-stakes situation in Harlem, New York, 1998. The story emphasized the need to understand and influence emotions rather than denying or ignoring them. It highlights the role of emotions as a tool and how good negotiators use emotional intelligence to build rapport and influence outcomes. The concept of “tactical empathy” is more strongly introduced here as a powerful negotiating technique, showcasing the significance of understanding the perspective of others and using this understanding to guide negotiations effectively. Chris Voss defines tactical empathy as understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so that you can increase your influence in the moments that follow. 

In chapter four, the importance of mastering the art of “No” is introduced as a key aspect of successful negotiation. Voss likely delves into how the strategic use of “No” can be a powerful tool in steering conversations, setting boundaries, and ultimately influencing the direction of negotiations. By understanding the nuances of when to say “No” and how effectively leverage it, negotiators can assert control, gain valuable information, and guide the negotiation process towards a more favorable outcome. There is a portion in the book where he writes a specific use of “No” in hostage negotiating, where he concludes that demanding their surrender or tellin the to come out almost always resulted in a much longer standoff and contributed to death. By allowing the hostage-taker the illusion of having ‘No” as an option and taking the time to talk them out, the outcome was alway much more favorable. When you preserve a persons autonomy, their need to feel in control, by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas, the emotions calm, the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party can really look at your proposal, they are allowed to hold it in their hands, to turn it around. While it does this, it also gives you time to elaborate or pivot in order to convince your counterpart that the change you’re proposing is more advantageous that the status quo. 

 In chapter five, the concept of “trigger words” is explored as powerful tools that can significantly impact negotiations. These two words, not explicitly mentioned, hold the key to transforming the negotiation dynamics. By understanding and strategically using these trigger words, negotiators can navigate conversations more effectively, influence outcomes, and ultimately gain an advantage in the process. 

Chapter six, ‘Bend Their Reality’, focuses on the strategy of influencing the counterparts perception and mindset during negotiations, it delves into techniques that allow negotiators to subtly shape the other party’s perspective, leading them to see the situation in a different light. By skillfully bending the counterpart’s reality, negotiators can effectively guide the conversation, build more rapport, and ultimately increase the likelihood of achieving their desired outcomes. This, which one can only imagine would be a great skillset to have in job interviews, business negotiations, or any real life situation where you are trying to gain the upper hand.

 Chapter seven, ‘Create The Illusion of Control’, focuses on how to calibrate questions to transform conflict into collaboration. It begins with a cris involving the Dos Palmas kidnapping incident in the Philippines. The author reflects on how failures can lead to future successes and recounts their experiences with negotiation dynamics during this intense situation. The chapter highlights the importance of successful negotiation techniques, emphasizing coaxing and co-opting rather than defeating the counterpart. The author introduces the concept of calibrated questions to remove aggression from conversations and guide them towards a more productive direction. Amidst a challenging hostage situation filled with confrontations and missteps, the chapter underscores the significance of giving the opponent the illusion of control while subtly directing the conversation towards desired outcomes. 

In chapter eight, we are introduced to the concept of guaranteed execution, how to to spot the liars and ensure follow-through from everyone else. Here Chris discusses a tense prison siege in St. Martin Parish, Louisiana, where inmates held the warden and staff hostage. Negotiators realized the inmates didn’t want to harm anyone but were fearful of repercussions if they surrendered. To defuse the situation, negotiators provided walkie-talkies and orchestrated a surrender plan, involving an inmate walking past law enforcement perimeters with a walkie-talkie to signal the end of the siege. This approach aimed to address inmate fears and safely resolve the crisis. He also emphasizes the Rule of Three, distinguishing genuine commitment from fake acquiescence. Voss shares another real-life scenario here involving a kidnapping in Ecuador, where ensuring execution was key. By employing calibrated questions and strategic communication, Voss and his team navigated the situations to ensure successful follow-through, showcasing the significance of turning agreements into actionable outcomes. 

In the last two chapters, Voss addresses bargaining for your price, whether it be in hostage negotiations or simple day to day bargaining with a guaranteed win, and how to create breakthroughs by revealing the unknown unknowns. Beginning with Voss recounting his intense desire for a red Toyota 4Runner and his determination to acquire it despite its scarcity in the area he lived in. He engaged in negotiations with a salesman named Stan at a dealership, where the initial sticker price of the vehicle was set at $36,000. Voss employs a strategic haggling tactic to try and secure a better deal, ultimately leading to a series of back-and-forth negotiations until a final price of $32,500 is agreed upon. It begins with highlighting Chris Voss’s persistence and skill in bargaining for what he wants, and how others can employ the same techniques. Then it moves focus to discuss the understanding of different types of negotiators such as those who value relationship building and those who are more skeptical in nature. He emphasizes the importance of clear communication, using data to support arguments, and understanding the perspectives of various negotiating styles to reach successful outcomes. Voss also mentions the significance of non-verbal cues like smiling and being aware of different negotiation preferences, and again circling back to the importance of achieving mutually beneficial agreements through adaptation. In the final portion of uncovering unknown unknowns in negotiations, he highlights the need to break free from expectations and remain flexible to adapt to any situation. Chris Voss discusses the concept of Black Swans, pieces of information that, if discovered, can change everything in a negotiation. The narrative highlights the shift in mindset required to move from a traditional negotiation approach to a more three-dimensional, emotional, and effective strategy. It stresses the significance of asking the right questions, listening intently, and interpreting nonverbal cues to uncover hidden information that can lead to breakthrough inn negotiations. The text encourages readers to be open, intuitive, and adaptive in their approach, emphasizing the critical role of understanding and exploiting unknowns to succeed in negotiations.